The Black Dog
Taylor Swift
It’s looking in windows
in case you’re looking
back at me. It’s listening to Caruth’s echo
that never ends no matter how long
it reflects off your distant
surface. It’s Johnstone’s black dog,
the proprioceptive exhaustion that follows
me, nipping at my heels—no matter
the treats I toss it or the pets I give
its head, belly, chin. It’s the guilt
at not noticing you stopped
watering the plants. It’s knowing
you had bullies but not knowing
how to defend you. It’s avoiding Marvel, avoiding
the pinball museum, avoiding
the Grandin Theatre, avoiding the food
co-op, avoiding Cookout, avoiding
church, avoiding music. It’s wishing
we had shared locations
and forgotten to turn it off. It’s taking
an alternative route to avoid
an intrusive memory. It’s trying
to remember
you liked my legs. It’s
the new towels, still in the bag, I bought
the day you left. It’s
seeing the back of your
head downtown but knowing it’s
not the back of your head
because you had cystic acne
scars from high school. It’s
the vestibular ritual
of emptying the litter boxes
on Sunday nights and the trash bag
bursting open and saying
damn, shit, mother fucker, why?
It’s the interoceptive wondering:
What did you say to the cats?
How were you a functioning alcoholic?
Why did you sleep in your office the two
weeks before you left?
Where did you go those two
days? Why didn’t I notice
your new aesthetic? How much
sad did you think I
had in me? It’s all Mondays
in an endless February.
…..
This poem is from the book Liner Notes by Jamie L. McDaniel, and can be found at https://finishinglinepress.com/product/liner-notes-by-jamie-mcdaniel/
Jamie L. McDaniel was born and raised in Northeast Alabama, a place that influences much of his work. He is Professor of English in the School of Writing, Language, and Literature at Radford University in Radford, Virginia. He is the winner of the 2025 Chautauqua Creative Writing Contest for Poetry. Liner Notes is his debut poetry collection.
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