Self-Portrait in Things My Sisters Told Me Not to Do, but I Did Anyway
Dye my hair black. Walk alone
after dark. Run away from home.
Never go back. Live in the city.
Squeeze into that leather miniskirt.
Wear eyeliner to bed. Sleep with
the windows open. Drink coffee
at midnight. Sip wine
and whiskey at the same time.
Eat chocolate for breakfast, French
toast for dinner. Bite my nails.
Chew my bottom lip. Break string
with my teeth. Say fuck. Run
the New York City Marathon, then
run it again. Quit school to be on TV.
Quit my family to survive. Go to therapy.
Stay in therapy. Call the police
when my brother sold cocaine. Forgive
my mother. Forgive my father.
Do a back flip off the high dive
when I was 33. Stop on the edge
of the 405 to catch that dog
running along the metro tracks. Fall in love
on the first date. Marry the man I fell in love
with on the first date. Ignore their calls.
This
This poem first appeared in HAD, and can be found in the chapbook The Last Girl by M.R. Mandell (Finishing Line Press) at https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/the-last-girl-by-m-r-mandell/
M.R. Mandell’s poems have appeared in The McNeese Review, HAD and Door Is A Jar, among others. Her debut chapbook, Don’t Worry About Me, was released in 2024 (Bottlecap Press). She attended the Southampton Writers Conference under the mentorship of Billy Collins.
The Paddock Review 